Cancer is S**t - Ten things that help.
Every 10 years, someone in my life has died of cancer. Age 12-uncle, 22- Dad, 32-Mum, 42 Husband. I can hear what you're thinking, “geez a girl could take that personally” (true) or “Remind me to steer clear when she is 52” (which is now FYI, don’t panic, I’m using my powers for good. lol)
Now in this journey, I have learnt a thing or two about walking with cancer.
One
When someone tells you that they have cancer, or that they have lost someone to cancer, there is nothing you can say that will help. It’s s**t, end of story. They are not wanting to hear about a “better place” or how your dog suffered from it too and therefore you know just how they feel …. Yes, I have had both of these said to me. A simple - ‘O.K., I’m here.” - is enough. Then be with them, or do their dishes. Quietly help and hold space. Listen if needed. Distract if needed. Give them space when needed.
Two-
Yes, sugar is really bad for fighting cancer - but a lecture on the things they “should be doing and not doing” is also going to be really bad for their energy levels to fight cancer too. So keep your trap shut until asked.
Three-
The best grief gift is soft foods. When you have cried for 12 hours straight, trying to eat lasagna will kill you. Start with foods that slide down your throat. I always preferred a jelly or custard entree, soothes the throat and tells the stomach to stop writhing in pain and be ready for some real food when you’re ready. Then go for mashed potato or something soft. Something your body doesn’t need to work too hard on.
Four
Nerve pain isn’t always manageable with pain meds. But Mum had a lot of bad nerve pain. I got pretty good at lifting it for a while with healing. I now have clients who ‘WhatsApp’ call me, and in 15 to 20 minutes, I can lift the pain. It normally lasts for 3 to 6 hours. Which doesn’t seem like much, but it’s long enough for a quality sleep, or an important visit.
Five
Don’t deny yourself hospice support.
Hospice scares some people, but hospice is awesome. Our Wellington Hospices offer free counselling for the family or friends. They have craft and music classes, and they will even help you write your memoirs. You can often get free reflexology or a massage. You can have respite care, and they have better medical options than your G.P.
Six
Visualisation helps. Personal grief rituals help. Self-healing or healing from loved ones helps. All of which is easy for me to teach ANYONE! Just ask.
Seven
Record the important stuff. This goes both ways. Doctors talk when you are stressed. You won’t remember - RECORD IT! Pull out your phone and record it.
If the cancer becomes terminal, your family and friends will want to have memories. Record your favourite stories and memories now. Some treatments change your voice. My father had an endoscopy that left him sounding like a phone sex worker called Bertha. Record your legacy at the beginning. Old children’s stories. Jokes. etc. While you're at it, make a playlist of your favourite songs and find the photos of yourself that you like. Destroy the evidence of the drunken nights on High Street.
Eight
Everyone is going to tell you that there is something alternative that will help. Some do, some don’t. Do your research fully and completely. Some do more harm than good.
Nine
Laugh as much as you can. It’s good for the body and soul. Get everyone around you to send your funny stuff to watch. Then ignore the things from your friends you don’t find funny.
When you can’t laugh - it’s ok to cry. It’s also ok to go to the Op shop and buy stuff to smash in the privacy of your own backyard. If you're angry, get it out of your body. Write people’s names and events onto plates and smash them. If you're not feeling strong … do it slowly. Lol
Ten
Always have the “Fuck It Box”. All the stuff that used to matter and now doesn’t. Having cancer or walking through the journey with someone else who does is a great rebalancer of priorities. Stuff that really mattered and was a really big issue before is irrelevant. Jobs that ‘had to be done’ can wait. When all is said and done, an awful lot can just go permanently or temporarily into the “Fuck It Box”.
There is so much more that I could share or help with, healing and seeing the energy of the root cause or the journey etc. I have had many times of supporting people through the journey. Many times of healing people and then they have a reversal of the diagnosis. Everyone's journey is different and unique to them. If you have a loved one who is suffering, I will not work on them without their permission. But I can help you to be the best you, for them.
One day, the world will be cancer-free. For now, we live through it as best we can. I am happy to support in any way I can.
I offer a discount to anyone on this journey- click here.